What a Narcissist!

By Anna Raab, M.A. Counseling, BCN

In an age of ever-increasing drama and selfie centered lives, the word Narcissist is being heavily thrown around! But what is a Narcissist, really? Is every person with an inflated ego or posting a few too many selfies a Narcissist? No, they aren’t. Yes, some people with these traits may have narcissistic tendencies, but a person with true Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a different animal altogether.

I’ve chosen to write on this subject not only because of some of the over-use of the term, but also because there may be someone reading this who really needs to know if their loved one suffers from this  (I would say they or their loved one but it’s doubtful a true Narcissist would ask themselves such an honest, insightful question).

True Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by very predictable characteristics, behavior patterns, and background.  In my experience most people with NPD were raised in an environment where healthy ego development did not or could not occur, often because of recurring trauma. Because of their lack of healthy ego identity being formed, individuals with NPD actually have extremely fragile egos for which they are in constant need of garnishing what we call supply.

Supply is anything which gives the NPD individual a sense of being superior or more powerful than those around them.  Ironically, they are typically very outgoing, charismatic, likable, and even witty, but their jokes will often turn on you and you will find yourself being laughed at instead of laughed with. They may say very hurtful things and say they are just kidding, or they may gaslight you altogether.

Gaslighting is when someone with NPD deflects any attempt to communicate your pain with them by flat out denying the event happened, twisting the event, or figuring out how to blame you for their actions or simply firing off a dart that has nothing to do with your plea for communication or sympathy.  Gaslighting is the Narcissist’s go-to for protecting their wounded ego.

Because they cannot handle the thought of being wrong or questioned, they must retaliate by gaslighting you to protect the very fragile ego inside.  Narcissists will rarely apologize, or if they do you will find it is to keep you in their good graces as they are inevitably getting something from you that they need.

They are notoriously entitled and often expect to be treated in ways which they have not earned or deserve, many times expecting material endowments they have no real entitlement to but have no issues whatsoever receiving.

People with NPD thrive on making others feel small while inflating themselves. They will often lie or exaggerate the truth in order to secure their position in social first place.  You will often hear them making judgmental statements or making caustic remarks about others with no awareness of how cold, mean, or cruel they may be, and sometimes very subtly or covertly.

You see, those with NPD do not and often cannot feel empathy or compassion.  Interestingly, they may be able to mimic it or fake it very well, but it does not come from the heart and when backed in a corner their true motives will be unveiled, and oftentimes it is these individuals who get caught in very telling actions or lies that eventually they may not be able to escape.  At this point they will typically discard the individual or group and move to another place where they can practice their schemes once again.

My interest in writing about this subject is the very high chance that someone reading may have been or is deeply affected by a Narcissistic person.  Oftentimes, it is the most caring and empathic people who are preyed upon because they are most susceptible to being manipulated or give the NPD individual too much grace.

Grace is good, but giving grace to the NPD individual will be a black hole of never-ending investment into their wounded inner world, leaving the loved one feeling like nothing is ever good enough to earn their approval, or feeling like their feelings are never going to matter… because they won’t.  If you are suffering from an NPD relationship, please reach out for help and support.  There are people who truly care very deeply and want to help.

If you live in the Tulsa, OK, area and are interested in learning how neurofeedback can help a loved one with narcissism, click here.

ADHD

By Anna Raab, M.A. Counseling, BCN

New Year’s Resolution: FOCUS. GET ORGANIZED. FINISH PROJECTS. MASTER TO-DO LISTS. LISTEN BETTER…

“BUT I JUST CAN’T!!!  EVERY YEAR I FAIL… I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FAILURE.  I KNOW I’M SMART; I HAVE THE IDEAS AND THE KNOW-HOW… I JUST CAN’T FULFILL MY POTENTIAL!!”

IF THIS IS YOU, OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE, KEEP READING!!!!

There is a REASON you struggle.  It’s not because you are lazy, unintelligent, or not capable.  I have treated so many extremely intelligent people who have carried the burden of ATTENTION ISSUES for years.  Most often, the burden of carrying the extra struggle, no matter how accomplished they are, has also led to a certain amount of depression or anxiety, which is usually what brings them to my office.  After doing an electrical reading of their brain we find the foundational issue is actually a traffic jam of brain wave activity.  The frontal lobe is full of excessive slow wave activity and often not enough of the fast processing waves.

The frontal lobe is responsible for our higher executive function, and when there is a traffic problem with brain wave activity not flowing as it should, untold frustrations can arise.  Attention, decision making, problem solving, memory, social awareness, motivation, planning, judgement, emotions, empathy, time management, and more can all be a huge struggle.  And it can have NOTHING to do with your desire to be better… it is a REAL issue.

I have seen so many people of all ages who have struggled with this invisible giant their whole lives, and then slowly but surely, they begin to feel their lives have become unmanageable.  Relationships have suffered, attempts at higher education have suffered or failed all together, they have stress disorders, they have emotional control issues… life is just so much harder than it needs to be, but it’s all they’ve ever known.

And, it’s not just adults.  Very often anxiety and depression are the presenting issues for children also.  Because these struggles can be masked by high intelligence and good coping skills it is not unusual for them to fly under the radar undetected.

Even if these issues have been identified and medications are employed, patients are often riddled with side effects and the aid of medication may only be enough to make the limp a little less apparent.  There’s nothing wrong with turning to medications for help, but often patients are left wanting and still feeling very incomplete.

Anyone can miss it.  I missed it myself in one of my own children.  It wasn’t until they had a traumatic accident that I began to do extensive work in their frontal lobe to help with the trauma and anxiety that ensued.  In doing so, I treated their attention disorder that I had not even detected.  They were always in the middle ground (but not loving) school, adored by teachers, happy at home… just a normal, delightful, energetic child.  However, the semester I treated them they went from average to outstanding in school.  I’m so thankful to say that as a result I had them tested last year and they are now in the gifted and talented class with all A’s, loving school.  Potential unveiled!

This may describe you or your loved one.  Does life seem harder than it should be?  Maybe it is.

If you live in the Tulsa, OK, area and are interested in learning how neurofeedback can help a loved one with ADD or ADHD, click here.

Best Kept Secret in Mental Health, Part 3

By Anna Raab, M.A. MFT, BCN

Part 3:  Normalizing Brain Wave Activity

In my last article I explained how we “map the electrical universe.”  Through brain mapping, or creating the electrical traffic map, we are able to measure the brain’s electrical activity in order to assess abnormalities and how they are affecting the individual.  I also explained how therapeutic this can be for the individual as they are able to see that their issues are real and measurable.  In this article I am very excited to explain how these abnormalities are also treatable!

When I describe Neurofeedback and how it works, I like to use the metaphor of how we learn to ride a bike.  The brain is a learning machine and it is an adaptive organ.  So much of what we learn and repeat is based on what we get rewarded for, and as we learn we become more and more adaptive.  As you learn to ride a bike the feedback loop is almost exactly the same as how the brain learns to produce normalized brain wave activity.

On a bike you are consciously aware that you do not want to fall down right? Your brain, through a constant do this and don’t do that feedback loop, figures out (learns) what it’s doing to keep you upright and after multiple attempts memorizes (adapts) what it is doing and repeats all the complex processes required to keep your bicycle upright.

All the while, all you’re really thinking about and aware of is “I don’t want to fall down.”  Hence, while your brain is actively focused on that end, there are untold number of subconscious processes hard at work to keep you from falling over.  The brain learns and adapts and, voila, you’re riding a bike.  As the old saying goes, “you don’t ever forget how to ride a bike.”  In the same amazing way, with sufficient training, your brain can also learn to produce and permanently repeat normalized and more adaptive electrical functioning.

This kind of reward feedback (not falling over) is actually called operant conditioning in psychology.  Operant conditioning is a learning process through which the strength of a behavior is modified by reinforcement or punishment.

We basically learn to ride a bike by being rewarded for not falling down.  In the same way, Neurofeedback trains the brain to produce normalized brain wave activity by rewarding the brain for producing normal activity.  In our office this literally comes by way of watching a movie!  Yes, that’s correct, you can heal your brain by watching the movie of your choice.

All we have to do is put your brain in a position where it has to work to see the movie.  So, in this case, the reward is that while your brain is producing normalized activity it is rewarded with a bright full picture of your movie.  When brain wave activity is veering off in the wrong direction, you experience a very fast darkening of the screen, which of course for any modernized person, is like punishment.

In order for the client not become too frustrated by these interruptions, however (because many people ask), we set the training level so that each individual is getting an optimal and encouraging amount of reward while experiencing enough resistance to change and normalize brain wave activity.

And there you have it, just like that, your brain is on the road to recovery.

On this journey we will continue to take a closer look at how Neurofeedback operates, and the common types of abnormalities and resulting issues Neurofeedback works to resolve.

Best Kept Secret in Mental Health, Part 4

By Anna Raab, M.A. Counseling, BCN

In my last three articles I’ve been able to explain some of the key aspects of Neurofeedback Therapy.  I’ve brought to the forefront that the brain is electrical, that brain wave balance is at the foundation of mental health, how brain wave activity can be mapped, and the basic concepts of how Neurofeedback can normalize brain wave activity to lead to reduction or resolution of mental health issues.

In this edition I would like to use the foundation of what I have explained and now begin to apply it to specific mental health issues that Neurofeedback can help resolve. I will begin with one of the most well researched applications of Neurofeedback which is ADHD.

ADHD is marked by failure to pay close attention, making careless mistakes, poor listening, lack of follow through, inability to sustain attention, misplacing items, being easily distracted, having difficulty filtering out external stimuli, and forgetfulness. Hyperactive symptoms include fidgeting, roaming around, restlessness, loud or obnoxious behavior, being driven as with a motor, and excessive speech.  In addition, some individuals may also have symptoms of impulsivity which include speaking before thinking, impatience, interrupting, and intrusive behaviors.

There is much debate about ADHD, whether it is over-diagnosed, if it is just a “boy-thing” that will be outgrown, or if it’s the inevitable outcome of asking kids to sit still for hours on end.  All of these thoughts are valid and understandably confusing.  From my vantage point as a Neuro-therapist, however, I can definitively say ADHD is clearly illustrated in client brain maps and has very real signatures of abnormal brain wave activity which I have seen consistently in hundreds of client maps, and has been well documented in QEEG research.

As I explained in part 2, the brain map illustrates brain wave activity in the cerebral cortex (the outer layer of the brain) a little bit like a traffic map.  All the major types of brain wave activity are shown in terms of how the client map compares to a person with no abnormal symptoms.

One of the major measurements included in the map is called “magnitude” and demonstrates how much of each type of activity is present in the individual and whether they have too much or too little in any of the measured locations.  Without exception, individuals with ADHD produce too much slow (delta and/or theta) activity in the frontal and sometimes temporal regions of the brain.

This excessive slow wave activity begins to create what I call a traffic jam that can impede normal processing, specifically in the executive centers of the brain which control attention, cognitive inhibition, working memory, cognitive flexibility, reasoning, and problem solving.

Think of it like the larger, slower brain waves getting in the way of the more concentrated, faster processing transmissions.  This causes transmissions to be slower, or sometimes fall off completely, resulting in the very real and frustrating symptoms of ADHD.

In conclusion, as I explained in my last article, with Neurofeedback intervention the brain can be trained through operant conditioning feedback to normalize.  Hence, in the case of treating ADHD, overwhelming headway can be made to train the brain to reduce the production of slow wave activity and increase faster speeds so issues like focus, attention, hyperactivity, and impulsivity can become a thing of the past.