Triggered:  Understanding Warning Signs of PTSD

By Anna Raab, Abundant Living Neurofeedback and Counseling

“I’m so triggered!” is a statement I started hearing my teenagers say a couple years ago, usually in a joking manner.  However, PTSD is no laughing matter and affects many people who aren’t even aware that their symptoms are trauma related.  In addition, many people do not know that the onset of PTSD can occur within a few months or even years after a traumatic event, which can make it very difficult for individuals to pinpoint.

As a result, patients may present with severe anxiety, depression, attention or sleep issues and not even relate these issues to the original trauma.  I have had many patients present with these types of issues only to discover that they are actually part of a syndrome perpetuated by a traumatic, or series of traumatic events.

Traumatic events that lead to PTSD are typically events that instill a sense of intense fear, helplessness, or terror.  Moreover, PTSD can be caused by witnessing such an event happening to another person and in some cases simply by hearing about such an event occurring.  In the context of our modern world, with endless news about violence and murder, I believe this is a more widespread problem than has been previously understood.

I have treated many patients who were first hand victims, but I have also treated multiple people who developed PTSD by merely being exposed to the knowledge of trauma.  Not surprisingly, none of the individuals were aware of the root cause until we began to track the onset of traumatic symptoms and frequent triggers.

So, what are the symptoms of PTSD?  Many of the symptoms may be surprising and seemingly unrelated.   You or a loved one may be affected and unaware.  For instance, physical pain can be a symptom of PTSD.  Headaches, digestive Issues, physical pain and a weakened immune system can all be warning signs.  More common are issues of hyper-arousal, which include insomnia, edginess, being easily startled, panic attacks, or generally finding it impossible to relax. Having excessive emotions, angry, irritable outbursts, or being emotionally shut down are also symptomatic.

Some people may begin to avoid any semblance of places or people who consciously or subconsciously remind them of trauma.  They may have generalized anxiety, depression or guilt that do not seem to connect to their actual life. Others may have overwhelming obsessive thoughts, not only of trauma happening to them but even seeing themselves become perpetrators of things they’ve seen or witnessed.

Memory problems are extremely common, not only having gaps in memory but developing general, wide-spread memory lapses.  Many of these symptoms can lead to severe attention deficits that are often misdiagnosed.  Sadly, some people turn to addictive behaviors to try to self-regulate and may find themselves completely out of control.

If you recognize yourself or a loved one in this article, please reach out.  I have helped so many people who have become captive to a traumatized brain. You don’t have to be captive any longer.

What a Narcissist!

By Anna Raab, M.A. Counseling, BCN

In an age of ever-increasing drama and selfie centered lives, the word Narcissist is being heavily thrown around! But what is a Narcissist, really? Is every person with an inflated ego or posting a few too many selfies a Narcissist? No, they aren’t. Yes, some people with these traits may have narcissistic tendencies, but a person with true Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a different animal altogether.

I’ve chosen to write on this subject not only because of some of the over-use of the term, but also because there may be someone reading this who really needs to know if their loved one suffers from this  (I would say they or their loved one but it’s doubtful a true Narcissist would ask themselves such an honest, insightful question).

True Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by very predictable characteristics, behavior patterns, and background.  In my experience most people with NPD were raised in an environment where healthy ego development did not or could not occur, often because of recurring trauma. Because of their lack of healthy ego identity being formed, individuals with NPD actually have extremely fragile egos for which they are in constant need of garnishing what we call supply.

Supply is anything which gives the NPD individual a sense of being superior or more powerful than those around them.  Ironically, they are typically very outgoing, charismatic, likable, and even witty, but their jokes will often turn on you and you will find yourself being laughed at instead of laughed with. They may say very hurtful things and say they are just kidding, or they may gaslight you altogether.

Gaslighting is when someone with NPD deflects any attempt to communicate your pain with them by flat out denying the event happened, twisting the event, or figuring out how to blame you for their actions or simply firing off a dart that has nothing to do with your plea for communication or sympathy.  Gaslighting is the Narcissist’s go-to for protecting their wounded ego.

Because they cannot handle the thought of being wrong or questioned, they must retaliate by gaslighting you to protect the very fragile ego inside.  Narcissists will rarely apologize, or if they do you will find it is to keep you in their good graces as they are inevitably getting something from you that they need.

They are notoriously entitled and often expect to be treated in ways which they have not earned or deserve, many times expecting material endowments they have no real entitlement to but have no issues whatsoever receiving.

People with NPD thrive on making others feel small while inflating themselves. They will often lie or exaggerate the truth in order to secure their position in social first place.  You will often hear them making judgmental statements or making caustic remarks about others with no awareness of how cold, mean, or cruel they may be, and sometimes very subtly or covertly.

You see, those with NPD do not and often cannot feel empathy or compassion.  Interestingly, they may be able to mimic it or fake it very well, but it does not come from the heart and when backed in a corner their true motives will be unveiled, and oftentimes it is these individuals who get caught in very telling actions or lies that eventually they may not be able to escape.  At this point they will typically discard the individual or group and move to another place where they can practice their schemes once again.

My interest in writing about this subject is the very high chance that someone reading may have been or is deeply affected by a Narcissistic person.  Oftentimes, it is the most caring and empathic people who are preyed upon because they are most susceptible to being manipulated or give the NPD individual too much grace.

Grace is good, but giving grace to the NPD individual will be a black hole of never-ending investment into their wounded inner world, leaving the loved one feeling like nothing is ever good enough to earn their approval, or feeling like their feelings are never going to matter… because they won’t.  If you are suffering from an NPD relationship, please reach out for help and support.  There are people who truly care very deeply and want to help.

If you live in the Tulsa, OK, area and are interested in learning how neurofeedback can help a loved one with narcissism, click here.

The Perfect Storm of Pain

By Anna Raab, M.A. Counseling, BCN

A few months ago, I wrote an article called Transcending Fear.  The quarantine had just begun, unknowns, fears, and shutdowns were paralyzing to many.  In the article I wrote about how we would ultimately have two choices as to how to respond.  Would we be better or broken; would we transcend fear and build on our human ability to love, or would we give way to the animalistic instincts of fear, fight, or flight.

I had no idea when I wrote that what else we would soon face as a nation. I had no idea that not only would we potentially turn on each other out of fear and pressure of the unknown, but that the pandemic would become the perfect storm of pain which would rattle our country to its very core.

It’s as though we were ripe and ready in a hotbed of unknowns, stress, and isolation.  So that in that hot bed, embers started to surface, vigilance was riding high, infections were coming to the surface…and the worst came out in us as the gasoline of fear and strife turned embers into a raging forest fire of pain and traumatic responses.

And here we are.  A nation divided on so many levels.  Issues that have been in the healing process have been ripped open and I fear we have been set back decades as a nation who stands for and has fought so hard for equality.  The fear response in our brain is activated by our instinct for survival.

If you read the article I mentioned, you may remember I stated we will have the choice to respond like animals in fight or flight, or like humans bridging the gap with love. Again, as humans we have the unique ability to choose love even when we are afraid, because “perfect love casts out fear.”

I have seen exceptions, however.  On a local level and personal level for sure I have seen churches and local leaders rise up and organize overwhelming aid and help.  Victory Christian Center has mobilized well over a million bags of food for local families, no questions asked. They were able to have drive in services where people could still assemble together and had testimonies of people deciding not to end their lives because they drove by and were drawn to the life and love there.

In all this I have experienced joys as I watch leaders rise up in love, yet I have also cried many tears as I have watched trauma and emotional responses rip through our country like a tornado.  I have wept for our country and for the division and strife, and I have prayed and prayed for healing and restoration to come.

One thing I know we can all agree on and has the ability to center and to heal us, is that we NEED each other and CONNECTION and MUTUAL RESPECT is essential for us to weather this storm together and truly come through with the spirit of Americans.

The absolute worst thing we can do is hide behind the news, gossip, and social media as though behind the wheel of our own private car honking and yelling for others to get out of the way and heed to our exclusive perceptions and desires.  Wisdom comes through a multitude of counsel, and if we can come to a place of peace and resolve to listen and to learn from our pain and our mistakes we can still heal, in time, we can still be better.

Individually, stay connected.   Seek out the faces who bring you love and joy, even if its Face Time or Zoom.  Send pictures and videos to love ones.  Post positive and loving videos on social media to remind us that we are in this together and ultimately love and respect will be our banner of recovery.

I know in this time there are many who are suffering greatly from isolation, fear, panic, and sadness.  If you need help, tell someone!  Do not suffer alone, do not let darkness take over, get help, reach out.  We are here and so are the many people who love you… some you may not even know. You are NOT alone!  You are loved.